Most days I am okay. I can tolerate some things, let things roll of my shoulders but I really get annoyed and angry with hateful bitter people. I have never encountered anyone as bitter as the person I have in mind. I've never received a compliment, nor encouragement from this person. I can "kill him with kindness" but it doesn't keep me from feeling so bothered by him. I don't know if he thinks that being the way he is will intimidate people or scare them? I'm not scared of him..
I don't want to toot my own horn, but I care deeply about my family, I encourage people. I don't life my life..just because I'm alive and there is nothing else to do. I pursue happiness. I do things that make me happy, that make memories, will change lives and change the world. I don't want to live a bitter life, I don't want to be bitter or hateful towards people. I enjoy helping people, I don't leave them stranded.
My children are my babies, I'd support them in any way I can, I want them to be responsible and caring people. I wouldn't throw them out of a boat and say sink or swim. I don't want to be remembered as someone who was hateful, or didn't care about anything. I want people to remember good things about me.
My FIL is the most hateful, rudest person I've ever met. Anytime I tell someone about the way he is.. they say.. "oh thats just how the B*******'s (insert last name here) are." and my reply is.. "that doesn't make it right"..
Just because I was neglected, and abused doesn't mean... "thats just way I have to be"... I don't know why he's so hateful, why he isn't encouraging. Just because I don't work, doesn't mean I'm lazy. I am raising my children... something he knows nothing about. I am in college. Something he knows nothing about. but he'd rather me work a minimum wage job to support my family than to acquire an education that will allow me to have a higher paying job.
I don't want to be remembered as someone who intimidates people, or belittles people. I want to be someone who inspires people. I want to set an example and show my children that they can achieve anything, that they can be happy and they can live a good, clean, healthy life.
I know too many people who cheat, steal, lie and take advantage of people. I don't want to take advantage of anyone and I don't want to be taken advantage of.
Someday. as bad as it is.. I won't have to tolerate so much negativity. I can live a stress free life w/o hateful, ungrateful, unappreciative, bitter people looming over my shoulder.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012
Review: 2012
This year had gone by fast! I know that everyone says that phrase. I suppose when you are living in the moment, time drags but when you are at the end of the year.. you happen to look back and realize that its gone and you can't get it back.
Last year I was pregnant with Peanut. He was born a year ago today at 12:43 p.m. My labor went by pretty fast, I didn't sleep the entire night. The nurse had told me that I had to stay in labor and delivery for 2 hours after he was born. I remember holding him. Staring at him. Nursing him. Then nurses helping me into a wheel chair so that I could be wheeled to our room. I looked at them and said.. Woah 2 hours has gone by already? and the nurse replied yes.
Looking back.. those 2 hours flew by as did the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months that lead up to this moment. I was so nervous to have Luke. My pregnancy with Raegan was easy, labor was fine except a few pains..but my post partum experience after her birth was hard. I gained 40 lbs and was depressed. I was so .worried that after I had Luke that I'd experience the same thing and I wasn't sure that having a baby was worth what I felt after I had Raegan. buttttt.. at 39 weeks pregnant.. I had no choice but to deliver him.
There were a few hiccups. but I didn't have the nervousness I had with Raegan. I already knew I could keep a baby alive.. (after all.. Raegan was just a few days shy of 3 years old). So with that feeling gone. I was happy. We had been approved to build a home that was bigger than the one we lived in at the time...of course we wouldn't get to move into the home for quite some time but it was all worth it.
My post partum experience with Luke has been amazing. Not one ounce of depression. I had some moments where I could have banged my head into a concrete wall a couple of times but I didn't. I was so sick during my pregnancy with Luke. I had lack of appetite and any time I ate I threw it up.. The day before he was born I went to my 39 week check up and I weighed 10 lbs less than I did when I got pregnant. At his one week check up I weighed myself and found that I weighed 30 lbs less than I did when I got pregnant. I was nervous with that as well.. I knew if I didn't eat well and exercise that I'd gain the weight back and then some.
I didn't weigh myself until OCTOBER. I didn't want to be disappointed by the numbers on the scale. I had a sinus infection in October, I went to Urgent care and the nurse talked me into weighing myself. I was so shocked to find out that I weighed 7lbs less than I did a week after Luke was born. I hadn't done anything to keep the weight off but I knew my happiness had so much to do ....had I been depressed I would have been eating lots of sweets and not wanting to do anything. Another thing I know contributed to me keeping weight off was breastfeeding.
Soo.. After months of building our home, we finally moved into our new home in September, Raegan started school in August which made me realize how quiet the house is with just one child. I completed 3 semesters of school. I passed all of my classes. I have so much less anxiety.
Luke has done amazingly well. He weighed 19 lbs 11 oz at his 6 month check up. 19 lbs. 02 oz at his 9 month check up and 19 lbs 6 oz at his check up last week. We had his birthday party on the 16th. He hasn't started walking yet, but cruises along the furniture. He's starting to stand on his own but once he realizes what he's doing he sits. He says Momma and Dada. He points at everything, Follows Raegan all over the house. Every person who admires Luke comments about what a "Smiley" baby he is, his beautiful blue eyes and how he looks just like his daddy.
I was nervous about how Raegan would adjust to having another child around. She was the only child around for all of the 3 years she existed before Luke. At first she was unsure about him. She wouldn't come near me in the hospital room but I unwrapped him from the blanket and I showed her that he had hands, and feet. 10 fingers and 10 toes. She counted them all and quickly warmed up to him. I felt bad at first because I had been so accustomed to cuddling with only Raegan. At first she didn't quite understand why I had him all of the time.. but She's taken over the big sister role quite remarkably. She never would allow me to take a picture of her holding Luke but she loves to kiss him, and play with him. Right now she enjoys playing "tea party" with him. She also cracks up when she says "Bubba's a "may-mo"..." I haven't quite figured out what that word means .. but she thinks its hilarious. She also tells me that "Bubba is a cowboy!".
My children are hilarious.
Luke enjoys shutting the bedroom doors and laughs when I stick my fingers under the door.. then he sticks his under.. and I open the door then he laughs hysterically.
Luke's first Christmas was a white Christmas. While we didn't get much snow, Raegan loved it. Brian took her out several times and let her cover herself with the umbrella. Silly kid.
I'm watching Luke play with a pile of blocks. He's incredibly smart, and Raegan is playing with a bracelet her grandma gave her.
Brian is at work, Today we got a 2010 Ford Fusion. I am so excited. It took forever but we finally paid enough off on our Focus that we could trade it in for a little bit bigger car.
I thought I'd just take a few moments to describe my year. I know time will pass and this will be a distant memory but I want to be able to read these words and have these memories come flooding back.
Life is good. :)
Natalie
Last year I was pregnant with Peanut. He was born a year ago today at 12:43 p.m. My labor went by pretty fast, I didn't sleep the entire night. The nurse had told me that I had to stay in labor and delivery for 2 hours after he was born. I remember holding him. Staring at him. Nursing him. Then nurses helping me into a wheel chair so that I could be wheeled to our room. I looked at them and said.. Woah 2 hours has gone by already? and the nurse replied yes.
Looking back.. those 2 hours flew by as did the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months that lead up to this moment. I was so nervous to have Luke. My pregnancy with Raegan was easy, labor was fine except a few pains..but my post partum experience after her birth was hard. I gained 40 lbs and was depressed. I was so .worried that after I had Luke that I'd experience the same thing and I wasn't sure that having a baby was worth what I felt after I had Raegan. buttttt.. at 39 weeks pregnant.. I had no choice but to deliver him.
There were a few hiccups. but I didn't have the nervousness I had with Raegan. I already knew I could keep a baby alive.. (after all.. Raegan was just a few days shy of 3 years old). So with that feeling gone. I was happy. We had been approved to build a home that was bigger than the one we lived in at the time...of course we wouldn't get to move into the home for quite some time but it was all worth it.
My post partum experience with Luke has been amazing. Not one ounce of depression. I had some moments where I could have banged my head into a concrete wall a couple of times but I didn't. I was so sick during my pregnancy with Luke. I had lack of appetite and any time I ate I threw it up.. The day before he was born I went to my 39 week check up and I weighed 10 lbs less than I did when I got pregnant. At his one week check up I weighed myself and found that I weighed 30 lbs less than I did when I got pregnant. I was nervous with that as well.. I knew if I didn't eat well and exercise that I'd gain the weight back and then some.
I didn't weigh myself until OCTOBER. I didn't want to be disappointed by the numbers on the scale. I had a sinus infection in October, I went to Urgent care and the nurse talked me into weighing myself. I was so shocked to find out that I weighed 7lbs less than I did a week after Luke was born. I hadn't done anything to keep the weight off but I knew my happiness had so much to do ....had I been depressed I would have been eating lots of sweets and not wanting to do anything. Another thing I know contributed to me keeping weight off was breastfeeding.
Soo.. After months of building our home, we finally moved into our new home in September, Raegan started school in August which made me realize how quiet the house is with just one child. I completed 3 semesters of school. I passed all of my classes. I have so much less anxiety.
Luke has done amazingly well. He weighed 19 lbs 11 oz at his 6 month check up. 19 lbs. 02 oz at his 9 month check up and 19 lbs 6 oz at his check up last week. We had his birthday party on the 16th. He hasn't started walking yet, but cruises along the furniture. He's starting to stand on his own but once he realizes what he's doing he sits. He says Momma and Dada. He points at everything, Follows Raegan all over the house. Every person who admires Luke comments about what a "Smiley" baby he is, his beautiful blue eyes and how he looks just like his daddy.
I was nervous about how Raegan would adjust to having another child around. She was the only child around for all of the 3 years she existed before Luke. At first she was unsure about him. She wouldn't come near me in the hospital room but I unwrapped him from the blanket and I showed her that he had hands, and feet. 10 fingers and 10 toes. She counted them all and quickly warmed up to him. I felt bad at first because I had been so accustomed to cuddling with only Raegan. At first she didn't quite understand why I had him all of the time.. but She's taken over the big sister role quite remarkably. She never would allow me to take a picture of her holding Luke but she loves to kiss him, and play with him. Right now she enjoys playing "tea party" with him. She also cracks up when she says "Bubba's a "may-mo"..." I haven't quite figured out what that word means .. but she thinks its hilarious. She also tells me that "Bubba is a cowboy!".
My children are hilarious.
Luke enjoys shutting the bedroom doors and laughs when I stick my fingers under the door.. then he sticks his under.. and I open the door then he laughs hysterically.
Luke's first Christmas was a white Christmas. While we didn't get much snow, Raegan loved it. Brian took her out several times and let her cover herself with the umbrella. Silly kid.
I'm watching Luke play with a pile of blocks. He's incredibly smart, and Raegan is playing with a bracelet her grandma gave her.
Brian is at work, Today we got a 2010 Ford Fusion. I am so excited. It took forever but we finally paid enough off on our Focus that we could trade it in for a little bit bigger car.
I thought I'd just take a few moments to describe my year. I know time will pass and this will be a distant memory but I want to be able to read these words and have these memories come flooding back.
Life is good. :)
Natalie
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