Brian is getting ready for work at the moment, Luke is bouncing and.. I just finished off a hazelnut iced coffee. Holy moly. I feel like I'm on crack. I can't wait for Brian to get off work, we need to paint trim and doors. Some guys will be here next week to hang the doors so I'm ready to get all of this painting done.
Yesterday was Luke's half birthday! I can hardly believe he's already 6 months old. It was just yesterday that I was driving Brian nuts with my baby fever. I NEEEEEEDED a baby. wellllll now I've got a baby and I do NOT have baby fever..lol. Most days I feel like pulling my hair out. I love my children but God did not grant me with the patience thats needed to take care of children.
Luke has started babbling more, and he can get up on his knees. I watch him repeatedly throw himself forward. He flops onto his stomach. Figuring out how to use those long dangly things that lay limp on the floor seems to be really frustrating to him. He's pretty sure that they don't work, and that I am crazy for encouraging him to continue. and He probably thinks I look like an idiot while I smile and coo and say "Good boy!" as if he were a dog who just rolled over.
So really thats about all thats going on right now. Next week is the 4th of July, and Raegan's half birthday! Maybe we'll make a cake. I'm not sure how she'll like the fireworks. She really doesn't like loud sounds. buttttt I'd feel bad for her missing such a beautiful display of colorful lights.
4 weeks into the Summer semester and 12 assignments later, I still have 100 out of 100 points in both of my classes. Now if I can keep this up, I will have A's in both of my classes and on my transcript. It makes me feel good.. I think the only A I got in any class in high school was in Music.. which was a lot of fun, but felt like a bird course. So having an A in both of my Psychology classes is saying a great deal on my part! I think the only other A I have on my college transcript, was in Intro to Psych. So maybe that says a little bit more.
In other news, today is going to be a beautiful day. Beautiful yes, and HOTTTTT yes. Last summer was ridiculous. It was 112-116 degrees the whole month of July. This is the end of June and its been 100-104.. which is better but its still hot, we have barely any shade in our yard... so in the evenings we've been going to Brian's mother's to swim in a pool we put up.. so Raegan can swim in the shade in the evenings. She realllly enjoys it.
Well I'm surprised I got this much typed on my own without kids screaming. So I shall end this before they change their mind about allowing me to concentrate.
I hope anyone who reads this has a wonderful day, and is super blessed.
Natalie
Friday, June 29, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Insert title here
I haven't wrote in a few days. I am so flustered by a screaming baby and my inability to focus on anything. I love being a mom but its just been one of those days. If Luke isn't screaming, Raegan is.
BLAH!
So I'm typing with one hand. The house is coming along. We've been painting for a few days now. First the blue paint I chose for the walls turned out to be a lot bluer than I expected. No big deal.. its still pretty.. but A few people joked that my house looks like a bag of skittles. ;)
the doors and trim were delivered today so we'll be painting them soon.
I feel better since I had my seizure. I felt weird for a couple of days, and my muscles are still sore.. but I am doing better.
I dont know what to say. I can't think. So I shall post some pictures and RUN.
bangs head on desk.
BLAH!
So I'm typing with one hand. The house is coming along. We've been painting for a few days now. First the blue paint I chose for the walls turned out to be a lot bluer than I expected. No big deal.. its still pretty.. but A few people joked that my house looks like a bag of skittles. ;)
the doors and trim were delivered today so we'll be painting them soon.
I feel better since I had my seizure. I felt weird for a couple of days, and my muscles are still sore.. but I am doing better.
I dont know what to say. I can't think. So I shall post some pictures and RUN.
bangs head on desk.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Well that was freaky.
I've been slacking off..so I'm laying in bed and figured I should update.Soo let me begin with Friday. Brian had to work Friday so I spent most of the day painting by myself. I'm excited for this house but I haven't done manual labor in a couple of years. Call me lazy but painting a ceiling is hard work.I got most of the ceilings done in the house. Then Saturday I woke up with a migraine. I hate the stupid things. It was by far one of the worst I've ever had. I took many breaks but I tried to paint as much as I could before Brian had to go to work on Saturday. I ended up giving up halfway through the afternoon because the nausea was so bad. My arms and legs were going numb. I was light headed too. Brian went to work and came home a little bit later. Brian says the last thing I did was lay down and ask for a cup of water and Tylenol.The next thing I know an IV is being jabbed into my arm and a man tells me I've had a seizure and I'm in route to the hospital via ambulance.He kept asking me questions. I could barely answer my name and age. I didn't even remember that I was breastfeeding Luke until they mentioned giving me Valium but I was coherent enough to tell them I didn't have a pump and they just gave me a shot of phenergan. They did a ct scan and monitored me because my heart was beating fast. But after 2 hours they finally let me come home to sleep. The dr told me that I should most definitely follow up with my neurologist. I read that if you've had a seizure then you are more likely to experience one again in the future. It was the freakiest thing I've ever experienced. My arm has a huge bruise from the IV.I still feel weird, no appetite and I cried all morning. I feel emotional. I read that feeling depressed after a seizure is normal. I don't know if it was caused by my body being stressed from the migraine or the paint fumes. But this is exactly why I lie low during my migraines. I'm not a hypochondriac and I wouldn't wish these migraines in anyone. I've always been paranoid that I would end up having a seizure. My husband was scared. I could tell just how he told me about it. He said my whole body was convulsing. And that I was breathing heavily and rapidly. It didn't last long but I've never had this happen before.My senses are out of wack. I guess it takes a few days to go back to normal.Oh and I bit my tongue. It is swollen. Blah.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
I can't think of a title.
I will begin this post with "Today is a good day!".. :) The most exciting thing is that things are moving forward with our house! The guys came and hung the sheet rock. And at this moment a group of guys are taping and bedding.. and they'll be doing texturing tomorrow.. So we'll be painting soon! Tomorrow Brian's sister is going to pick up the paint for our bedroom, the specific color we want is made by Benjamen Moore Paint, and Its sold in Ada.. which is 45 mins from here but only a little ways from her home. So she's saving us a trip. We still need to go pick up the paint for Raegan's room. I can't decide what I should paint it. Her comforter is pink and purple and white.. but I also got some green accents. I think I'll choose a lavender purple.. and who knows what we'll chose for Luke's room.
Yesterday we went to Sherman and put our King size bed on layaway, so it'll be paid off by the time we move in. We also put our coffee table and end tables on lay away. I'm so excited.
The Summer semester has began. My classes should be somewhat "easy" this semester. But I am already experiencing a little anxiety about the upcoming semesters. I keep telling myself I can do it. How? I don't know...........I hate school. Its not easy.. but I am smart, and I enjoy the subjects I am learning about.. its all interesting... I have too many other things on my mind. Kids screaming, and other crap. But I can do this.. I am not the first SAHM who has no help with child care.. I can do this......I can do this....blah.
I think I bit my lip in my sleep. It hurts.. I feel restless. I am going to go clean.. maybe it'll make me feel more productive and better.
I always feel better when I've accomplished something.
Maybe I'll edit this later and add more. who knows.
Natalie
Yesterday we went to Sherman and put our King size bed on layaway, so it'll be paid off by the time we move in. We also put our coffee table and end tables on lay away. I'm so excited.
The Summer semester has began. My classes should be somewhat "easy" this semester. But I am already experiencing a little anxiety about the upcoming semesters. I keep telling myself I can do it. How? I don't know...........I hate school. Its not easy.. but I am smart, and I enjoy the subjects I am learning about.. its all interesting... I have too many other things on my mind. Kids screaming, and other crap. But I can do this.. I am not the first SAHM who has no help with child care.. I can do this......I can do this....blah.
I think I bit my lip in my sleep. It hurts.. I feel restless. I am going to go clean.. maybe it'll make me feel more productive and better.
I always feel better when I've accomplished something.
Maybe I'll edit this later and add more. who knows.
Natalie
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Haven't I said this before?
a;sldkfjasdl;kfjsd;lfkajsdlfkajsdflksdjfas;dfkjas;dfklasjdflkasdjf;lasdkjfasldkfjsdlkfjaslfkjsdl;fkjsad;fkljasd;flkjasdf
asd;flkasjdf;lkasjdfl;aksjdf;laskdjfl;asdkjflasdkfjas;dlkfjasdl;fkjasd;flkjsdfkljasdf;lasdkfjasdfkl;jasdf;lsakdjfasldkfj
asd;flkasjdf;lkasdjfaskldjf;aslkdjfal;sdkfjasdl;kfjas;ldkfjasd;lkfjasdl;kfjas;dlkfjasd;lfkasjfl;ksdjflkasdjs;dlfksjdfl;kasjdf
d;lkfjasdl;fkjasdl;fkjasdfl;kasjd;lfkasjdf
asdfaskldjf;asdlkfjas;ldkfjasl;dkjfasl;dkfjasdl;kfjasd;fjasd;fas
dfasdl;fjasdl;fkjasd;lfkjasd;lfkjasdl;fksjd;lfkasjdl;kfjasdflkjsdl;fkasjdf
sdfasl;dfjasl;dfjsadlfjkasd;lfjkasd;lfkjasdl;fkjasdl;fkasjd;lfasjdl;fkasjd;fklasjdfl;kasjdl;fkjasdlfjkasdf
asdfl;aksdjfl;asdkjfaskdjfl;askdjflksdjf;laksdjflkadjf;asdf;laksdjf;alskdjfasl;dkjfasdl;kj
That is my summary for today. Everything I typed before this gibberish was the same thing I type every day. Today is a good day, playing with Raegan and Luke, tearing up the house while looking for a toy that Raegan won't forget. Can't wait for Brian to get home. Oh and at this moment, random men are hanging sheet rock in our new house. Yippee. Now I shall go sing the ABC's with Raegan and whatever else I feel like doing.
The end.
Natalie
asd;flkasjdf;lkasjdfl;aksjdf;laskdjfl;asdkjflasdkfjas;dlkfjasdl;fkjasd;flkjsdfkljasdf;lasdkfjasdfkl;jasdf;lsakdjfasldkfj
asd;flkasjdf;lkasdjfaskldjf;aslkdjfal;sdkfjasdl;kfjas;ldkfjasd;lkfjasdl;kfjas;dlkfjasd;lfkasjfl;ksdjflkasdjs;dlfksjdfl;kasjdf
d;lkfjasdl;fkjasdl;fkjasdfl;kasjd;lfkasjdf
asdfaskldjf;asdlkfjas;ldkfjasl;dkjfasl;dkfjasdl;kfjasd;fjasd;fas
dfasdl;fjasdl;fkjasd;lfkjasd;lfkjasdl;fksjd;lfkasjdl;kfjasdflkjsdl;fkasjdf
sdfasl;dfjasl;dfjsadlfjkasd;lfjkasd;lfkjasdl;fkjasdl;fkasjd;lfasjdl;fkasjd;fklasjdfl;kasjdl;fkjasdlfjkasdf
asdfl;aksdjfl;asdkjfaskdjfl;askdjflksdjf;laksdjflkadjf;asdf;laksdjf;alskdjfasl;dkjfasdl;kj
That is my summary for today. Everything I typed before this gibberish was the same thing I type every day. Today is a good day, playing with Raegan and Luke, tearing up the house while looking for a toy that Raegan won't forget. Can't wait for Brian to get home. Oh and at this moment, random men are hanging sheet rock in our new house. Yippee. Now I shall go sing the ABC's with Raegan and whatever else I feel like doing.
The end.
Natalie
Saturday, June 2, 2012
A Review of My Own.
Last night I watched a movie named Beastly. I had wanted to see it for a long time, every so often I'd search the guide to see if it was coming on any channels that we have. The other day Brian told me that we were getting the Encore channels for free between 5/28 -6/1.. the thought of checking for Beastly popped in my mind. So I used the search menu to find the movie. To my complete surprise it was listed as coming on. I watched it last night. and felt like it was kind of a slow movie. I watched it again today.. and it inspired me to write this blog entry.
My over all review of the movie was that it was kind of slow, and there were a few gaps. I feel like it could have been portrayed a little bit differently. I did not feel like it was as emotionally accurate as it should have been. I mean, Only a person who has actually experienced having their face completely traumatized would be able to portray the real emotions that the movie implies. Right?
If you haven't watched the movie, I don't expect you to go out and watch it, buy it or rent it. I think this is the part of the blog that gets a little more personal. It is this movie that inspired me to explain exactly what it feels like.
Although I can't be certain. I've always said that the things I experienced after the accident (depression and such) had more to do with me accepting my body than the death of my mom and niece. I don't want to make it sound like it didn't bother me that they were no longer alive. But there comes a point where I'm okay, I understand their gone, and thats that. but I have to live with my scars for the rest of my life. Unlike other people's scars.. mine are visible for EVERYONE to see. I can not possibly hide my scars unless I wear a paper bag over my face.
In the movie, the lead character is a jerk who acts as if only beautiful people matter, he cares about nothing except how great it is to be attractive and what good things happen to attractive people. A classmate or "witch" whom he embarrasses casts a spell on him. He's left with what look like scars on his face. She tells him that he must find someone who says "I love you" to him, to break the spell. If he does not find someone within a year, then he's left with those scars for the rest of his life.
Of course, You already know that he finds a girl, and she says "I love you" and his scars disappear, because within that year, he learns that people are so much more than what they appear to be on the outside. A persons value or self worth is so much greater than what the world teaches.
My first thought about the criteria that he was given, is that a year is too short. It took me years to accept myself. The movie does not display him as angry, or upset, or emotional or showing emotions about the possibility of living like that for the rest of his life. He does hide himself from the outside world because of his disfigurement, but he never cried himself to sleep because he thought no one could ever love him. The people in this world put so much emphasis on beauty, on who isn't and who is. I can't tell you how many times I cried because at 14, 15, 16 and 17.. everything in a girls adolescent life is about how pretty she is, and being attractive, dating, (or at least I wanted to feel as if everyone thought I was gorgeous)
I never felt comfortable with my body, I never talked to anyone about it. I wrote in my blog about it. but accepting myself and my body was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Before the accident, I was always "the pretty one" out of all of my siblings. (Not my words, theirs..) I never felt pretty but I guess guys liked me.. and being flirtatious came so easily to me. There are things that I found wrong with myself before the accident, I wanted to be skinnier, I did not like my big lips or my small boobs... and now I'd be happy with an asymmetrical face.
I don't think I necessarily took my "looks" for granted, as I did not feel beautiful.. but I did not appreciate the body I was born with. At first everything after the accident was fuzzy. I had people around me who were angry with me, or annoyed with me because "everyone felt sorry for me" as if I wanted them to feels sorry for me. I didn't ask for any of this. I did not ever imagine going through anything that has happened in the last 9 years. I could not have predicted this.
I have people tell me all of the time that they "don't know how I do it".. do it? as in live my life? well to be honest, I have no choice. When I go out in public, I've learned to tune everything and everyone out around me. Sorry if I don't see you, hear you, or if I completely look past you. Its not you, its me. If I tune it out, and get what I went there for, then I won't notice the man in the next aisle who is looking around the corner to get a second glance at me. and I won't hear the child who is tugging on his moms hand saying "momma! what happened to her?!"
I suppose one could not fit all of the emotions that one would feel in a traumatic experience into a movie that is probably only 2 hours long. I remember crying once, to Lyndall. She was a friends mom, She was always mistaken for my mom. I took it as a compliment. She was a good woman, She always answered every question I had. and she was very easy to relate to. She was diagnosed with cancer when she was 18 months old or so. Cancer of the nose, then cancer in her breasts, cancer in her chin.. and a few other places. I hate calling her face "disfigured" but she went through some of the same things I felt because her face wasn't her natural face. I was crying to her once, I told her she didn't know how I felt. She had lived her entire life with her injuries, and I was 14, when mine happened to me. I had been normal.. I told her that I didn't think anyone could ever possibly love me and see past my scars. She told me "that is just a cop out".. I guess for a moment I felt sorry for myself, I know I felt like it wasn't fair.. because no one else knew what it felt like. I will spend my entire life wondering how my life would have been different, and what I would have looked like. I do have pictures of myself from before the accident, I can compare to Raegan and Luke to see how much they look like me. I felt bad for Lyndall.. She has 3 daughters who look so completely different from each other.. and its hard to even imagine what exactly Lyndall would have looked like.
One thing that was taught to me, is that I should pray for what I want in a husband. I remember the only thing I ever prayed for, is that when I met him, I would know that he was the one, I wanted to know that he was the one because I didn't want to be heartbroken or sad about the possibility of a guy not thinking I was beautiful and not appreciating me for who I was rather than what I looked like. The day I met Brian, I told him I was going to marry him. My dorm mates thought I was crazy. But I absolutely knew. I can't explain it, but all of my insecurities that I had before I met him, completely disappeared. I can't say I'm happy with the way I look, I don't like looking at myself in the mirror.. and when I do.. I tend to take a few minutes to stare at myself but I no longer worry about finding someone who is going to love me.
In the movie Beastly, the guy does find a girl to say she loves him, and his scars are gone. Big Whoop. He's returned to his normal self. I, myself have imagined that the scars are only mine for a day, that maybe in the morning I'll wake up and see that it was only a dream but 3297 days later.. I've come to the realization that my scars are not a dream. I will have them for the rest of my life. I am so much more than what my body displays. I will not hide myself. I will not be ashamed. I accept myself and I love that I am able to set an example for those who have trouble seeing the beauty in the imperfections of life.
So don't feel sorry for me. Don't show me sympathy. The accident was bad, but so many great things have came from a tragic event in my life. I am a beautiful person regardless of how the world views beauty (I'm not conceited, I promise) I have the opportunity to see the world in a different light.
and again, the movie was good. but maybe the producer/director should have talked someone like me.. to find out exactly what it feels like to grieve for the loss of who I was, but to be able to rebuild my life around the good things in our lives that truly have value, beauty and significance. Things that are truly over looked and taken for granted. Had I not experienced this event in my life.. I do not think I would be as passionate about my life as I am now. Perhaps I am the only person who watched the movie, who actually knows anything about what its like. and Maybe if you've read this, and watch it.. you'll be able to look at it differently and you'll perceive it differently than you would have if you hadn't read my thoughts.
Natalie
My over all review of the movie was that it was kind of slow, and there were a few gaps. I feel like it could have been portrayed a little bit differently. I did not feel like it was as emotionally accurate as it should have been. I mean, Only a person who has actually experienced having their face completely traumatized would be able to portray the real emotions that the movie implies. Right?
If you haven't watched the movie, I don't expect you to go out and watch it, buy it or rent it. I think this is the part of the blog that gets a little more personal. It is this movie that inspired me to explain exactly what it feels like.
Although I can't be certain. I've always said that the things I experienced after the accident (depression and such) had more to do with me accepting my body than the death of my mom and niece. I don't want to make it sound like it didn't bother me that they were no longer alive. But there comes a point where I'm okay, I understand their gone, and thats that. but I have to live with my scars for the rest of my life. Unlike other people's scars.. mine are visible for EVERYONE to see. I can not possibly hide my scars unless I wear a paper bag over my face.
In the movie, the lead character is a jerk who acts as if only beautiful people matter, he cares about nothing except how great it is to be attractive and what good things happen to attractive people. A classmate or "witch" whom he embarrasses casts a spell on him. He's left with what look like scars on his face. She tells him that he must find someone who says "I love you" to him, to break the spell. If he does not find someone within a year, then he's left with those scars for the rest of his life.
Of course, You already know that he finds a girl, and she says "I love you" and his scars disappear, because within that year, he learns that people are so much more than what they appear to be on the outside. A persons value or self worth is so much greater than what the world teaches.
My first thought about the criteria that he was given, is that a year is too short. It took me years to accept myself. The movie does not display him as angry, or upset, or emotional or showing emotions about the possibility of living like that for the rest of his life. He does hide himself from the outside world because of his disfigurement, but he never cried himself to sleep because he thought no one could ever love him. The people in this world put so much emphasis on beauty, on who isn't and who is. I can't tell you how many times I cried because at 14, 15, 16 and 17.. everything in a girls adolescent life is about how pretty she is, and being attractive, dating, (or at least I wanted to feel as if everyone thought I was gorgeous)
I never felt comfortable with my body, I never talked to anyone about it. I wrote in my blog about it. but accepting myself and my body was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Before the accident, I was always "the pretty one" out of all of my siblings. (Not my words, theirs..) I never felt pretty but I guess guys liked me.. and being flirtatious came so easily to me. There are things that I found wrong with myself before the accident, I wanted to be skinnier, I did not like my big lips or my small boobs... and now I'd be happy with an asymmetrical face.
I don't think I necessarily took my "looks" for granted, as I did not feel beautiful.. but I did not appreciate the body I was born with. At first everything after the accident was fuzzy. I had people around me who were angry with me, or annoyed with me because "everyone felt sorry for me" as if I wanted them to feels sorry for me. I didn't ask for any of this. I did not ever imagine going through anything that has happened in the last 9 years. I could not have predicted this.
I have people tell me all of the time that they "don't know how I do it".. do it? as in live my life? well to be honest, I have no choice. When I go out in public, I've learned to tune everything and everyone out around me. Sorry if I don't see you, hear you, or if I completely look past you. Its not you, its me. If I tune it out, and get what I went there for, then I won't notice the man in the next aisle who is looking around the corner to get a second glance at me. and I won't hear the child who is tugging on his moms hand saying "momma! what happened to her?!"
I suppose one could not fit all of the emotions that one would feel in a traumatic experience into a movie that is probably only 2 hours long. I remember crying once, to Lyndall. She was a friends mom, She was always mistaken for my mom. I took it as a compliment. She was a good woman, She always answered every question I had. and she was very easy to relate to. She was diagnosed with cancer when she was 18 months old or so. Cancer of the nose, then cancer in her breasts, cancer in her chin.. and a few other places. I hate calling her face "disfigured" but she went through some of the same things I felt because her face wasn't her natural face. I was crying to her once, I told her she didn't know how I felt. She had lived her entire life with her injuries, and I was 14, when mine happened to me. I had been normal.. I told her that I didn't think anyone could ever possibly love me and see past my scars. She told me "that is just a cop out".. I guess for a moment I felt sorry for myself, I know I felt like it wasn't fair.. because no one else knew what it felt like. I will spend my entire life wondering how my life would have been different, and what I would have looked like. I do have pictures of myself from before the accident, I can compare to Raegan and Luke to see how much they look like me. I felt bad for Lyndall.. She has 3 daughters who look so completely different from each other.. and its hard to even imagine what exactly Lyndall would have looked like.
One thing that was taught to me, is that I should pray for what I want in a husband. I remember the only thing I ever prayed for, is that when I met him, I would know that he was the one, I wanted to know that he was the one because I didn't want to be heartbroken or sad about the possibility of a guy not thinking I was beautiful and not appreciating me for who I was rather than what I looked like. The day I met Brian, I told him I was going to marry him. My dorm mates thought I was crazy. But I absolutely knew. I can't explain it, but all of my insecurities that I had before I met him, completely disappeared. I can't say I'm happy with the way I look, I don't like looking at myself in the mirror.. and when I do.. I tend to take a few minutes to stare at myself but I no longer worry about finding someone who is going to love me.
In the movie Beastly, the guy does find a girl to say she loves him, and his scars are gone. Big Whoop. He's returned to his normal self. I, myself have imagined that the scars are only mine for a day, that maybe in the morning I'll wake up and see that it was only a dream but 3297 days later.. I've come to the realization that my scars are not a dream. I will have them for the rest of my life. I am so much more than what my body displays. I will not hide myself. I will not be ashamed. I accept myself and I love that I am able to set an example for those who have trouble seeing the beauty in the imperfections of life.
So don't feel sorry for me. Don't show me sympathy. The accident was bad, but so many great things have came from a tragic event in my life. I am a beautiful person regardless of how the world views beauty (I'm not conceited, I promise) I have the opportunity to see the world in a different light.
and again, the movie was good. but maybe the producer/director should have talked someone like me.. to find out exactly what it feels like to grieve for the loss of who I was, but to be able to rebuild my life around the good things in our lives that truly have value, beauty and significance. Things that are truly over looked and taken for granted. Had I not experienced this event in my life.. I do not think I would be as passionate about my life as I am now. Perhaps I am the only person who watched the movie, who actually knows anything about what its like. and Maybe if you've read this, and watch it.. you'll be able to look at it differently and you'll perceive it differently than you would have if you hadn't read my thoughts.
Natalie
Friday, June 1, 2012
Rambling about something.
Okay. So long story short,
9 years ago I was in a really bad car accident, While I was in the hospital recovering from my injuries.. still drugged up with tubes everywhere.. My foster parents made a video of me.
Yesterday I checked the mail and I got a package that includes the original video. I am so excited. I am going to Walgreen's this evening to send it off and have it transferred to a dvd. I'm not emotional or anything about the accident, but I can faintly remember watching the video. I know its bad but I think it'll be nice to show my husband and a few of my friends. I met TONS of people after my accident, people who didn't know me before my accident. Its been so long that talking about the accident, or my injuries doesn't feel like a big deal. It'll be nice to refresh my memory and to show it to my husband. I think it'll help them understand that it wasn't just "an accident'. It was a really traumatic event in my life. I have my scars, and my face doesn't look the same.. but I know that I look like myself. When this video was recorded my eyes were swollen shut and to quote a friend... "My head was the size of a watermelon"
I don't think it'll upset me. I think it may shock me. Idk.. its been 8.5 years since I've even seen it. I'm so thankful that it was finally sent to me. I didn't feel like it was fair for someone to have something so personal of mine.. and me not have access to it.
I don't know how I feel about it. I think I'll probably send a copy to my nephew.. he's on the video. He was a patient in the Children's hospital. Its going to be strange watching it. It feels like yesterday. I remember what it felt like to be in the hospital. I can still recall the smell of the hospital.. and how it felt to swallow food. I remember a lot of things, but I'll be able to visualize it now.
after typing this.. I realize I'm not as "excited" but much more nervous. I am excited to have the video. Nervous to watch it.. because my memory of the video has faded.. and seeing it will be like watching it for the first time all over again.
hmmmmm.....I've contemplated sharing it with others. I know many people have their stories posted online so people can see.. but.. I hate feeling like I want attention.. but the car accident I was in was a day before school let out for the summer. I didn't see a lot of people I went to school with or knew.. until school started in August. (My accident was in May).. While I know my facial injuries were more than likely a shock to all of those around me. I also know that my swelling had went down and my injuries had healed some. I wouldn't mind sharing it with people I know... I definitely wouldn't want people feeling sorry for me, or anything..
I feel like everyone went through this with me.. I couldn't hide my injuries, I couldn't shield myself without becoming a complete hermit. I know that I look so much better now than I did when the video was recorded. I posted all of the pictures I have of me directly after the accident. I am thankful for them, but I honestly kind of wish someone had taken more pictures of me. I feel like someone should have told me that I would want pictures, and that taking pictures of my progress was a big deal. but no one said that. I really enjoy taking pictures of my children, they change so much, and I've got it documented. I feel like someone should have documented my journey. Someday when I'm long gone, the pictures I have may be left. Maybe my ggg grandchildren will look at the picture.. and they'll wonder what happened to me, or anything about the accident I was in. I hope I've left enough info for them to not be left out, or left wondering.
on another note, I found an obituary for my ggg grandfather's niece, she was 12 years old in 1877. She through oil on a fire and was covered in flames, she died from her injuries 18 hours later. I came across this obituary while searching for any trace of anything. I hope that someday if anyone is ever searching for info about me or my life, that they'll find my whole life.
I should write a book.
:)
oh and I've contemplated making about a dozen copies of the dvd... that way I can keep some and make sure they aren't ever damaged and that they'll be in a safe place where my children have access to them. I plan to somehow upload it online.. in a private way, so that its always online along with my pictures.
Natalie
9 years ago I was in a really bad car accident, While I was in the hospital recovering from my injuries.. still drugged up with tubes everywhere.. My foster parents made a video of me.
Yesterday I checked the mail and I got a package that includes the original video. I am so excited. I am going to Walgreen's this evening to send it off and have it transferred to a dvd. I'm not emotional or anything about the accident, but I can faintly remember watching the video. I know its bad but I think it'll be nice to show my husband and a few of my friends. I met TONS of people after my accident, people who didn't know me before my accident. Its been so long that talking about the accident, or my injuries doesn't feel like a big deal. It'll be nice to refresh my memory and to show it to my husband. I think it'll help them understand that it wasn't just "an accident'. It was a really traumatic event in my life. I have my scars, and my face doesn't look the same.. but I know that I look like myself. When this video was recorded my eyes were swollen shut and to quote a friend... "My head was the size of a watermelon"
I don't think it'll upset me. I think it may shock me. Idk.. its been 8.5 years since I've even seen it. I'm so thankful that it was finally sent to me. I didn't feel like it was fair for someone to have something so personal of mine.. and me not have access to it.
I don't know how I feel about it. I think I'll probably send a copy to my nephew.. he's on the video. He was a patient in the Children's hospital. Its going to be strange watching it. It feels like yesterday. I remember what it felt like to be in the hospital. I can still recall the smell of the hospital.. and how it felt to swallow food. I remember a lot of things, but I'll be able to visualize it now.
after typing this.. I realize I'm not as "excited" but much more nervous. I am excited to have the video. Nervous to watch it.. because my memory of the video has faded.. and seeing it will be like watching it for the first time all over again.
hmmmmm.....I've contemplated sharing it with others. I know many people have their stories posted online so people can see.. but.. I hate feeling like I want attention.. but the car accident I was in was a day before school let out for the summer. I didn't see a lot of people I went to school with or knew.. until school started in August. (My accident was in May).. While I know my facial injuries were more than likely a shock to all of those around me. I also know that my swelling had went down and my injuries had healed some. I wouldn't mind sharing it with people I know... I definitely wouldn't want people feeling sorry for me, or anything..
I feel like everyone went through this with me.. I couldn't hide my injuries, I couldn't shield myself without becoming a complete hermit. I know that I look so much better now than I did when the video was recorded. I posted all of the pictures I have of me directly after the accident. I am thankful for them, but I honestly kind of wish someone had taken more pictures of me. I feel like someone should have told me that I would want pictures, and that taking pictures of my progress was a big deal. but no one said that. I really enjoy taking pictures of my children, they change so much, and I've got it documented. I feel like someone should have documented my journey. Someday when I'm long gone, the pictures I have may be left. Maybe my ggg grandchildren will look at the picture.. and they'll wonder what happened to me, or anything about the accident I was in. I hope I've left enough info for them to not be left out, or left wondering.
on another note, I found an obituary for my ggg grandfather's niece, she was 12 years old in 1877. She through oil on a fire and was covered in flames, she died from her injuries 18 hours later. I came across this obituary while searching for any trace of anything. I hope that someday if anyone is ever searching for info about me or my life, that they'll find my whole life.
I should write a book.
:)
oh and I've contemplated making about a dozen copies of the dvd... that way I can keep some and make sure they aren't ever damaged and that they'll be in a safe place where my children have access to them. I plan to somehow upload it online.. in a private way, so that its always online along with my pictures.
Natalie
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