Brian and Marianne took the kids to McDonalds to play, and then to the playground while I do homework.. I finished it..and then found that I am still alone..so.. I am in silence.. I might as well write.
I am still overcome with so much anxiety. I hate this feeling. I do not know how I am ever going to get past this feeling. I wake up with it every single day. I go to bed with it as well. There are moments through out the day when I realize that I have forgotten that it exists, and I feel relief but it soon returns. Relief is short lived. I constantly feel like I have a weight on my chest. I constantly feel like tears are welling up in my eyes. Each breath I take, takes a greater amount of force than the gulp of air before it. Its exhausting being awake. The only comfort I find is when I'm curled up in a ball in bed with my arms and legs tucked under me.
I do not know what will make me feel better. Distraction seems to be temporary at the moment. Change of environment helps in small doses.
Natalie
