Just a bunch of jibberish

Today started out like any other day. If you know me, then you know what I mean. If you don't know me... then I'll just tell you there are too many crazy people in my life.
I don't think I'll go much further on that subject.

In other news. The plumbers came today and did whatever they had to do for our house.  Now we are just waiting for the next set of guys to come out and do their job.  I hope we have a slab soon.  I've waited for this house for 5 years and now that its finally being built, it doesn't even feel real!

I haven't done much today. My days mostly consist of cleaning and taking care of Raegan and Luke.  I've been corresponding with others about my family history. I've called several Genealogy Societies, court houses and other places.  Untangling this web of mysteries is proving to be time consuming and addicting. I enjoy it a lot.

So in the midst of typing this blog.  The fedex guy came, my MIL.. and... then Raegan was screaming for a shower. Which is rare because she's scared of the bath.. so I gave her a bath and let her play in the water, then I changed Luke's poopy diaper for the 4th time today.

It never ends. Raegan is currently counting with Dora the Explorer and Luke is getting restless because obviously I should pay attention to him at all times of the day. My husband should be home in an hour but I doubt he'll want to sit still and let me write anything.  His mom wants us to come over for dinner............. sigh. I told her I'd talk to my husband bout it.

Argh it. The cat just got in the cat food. I've fed her like ten times today. BRB.

Okay so she happens to be a stray that I feed, she was completely wild a year ago.. but who isn't intrigued by a stray Siamese cat (there were two but my husband scared the chit out of the other..and it won't even come close to our house any more)

but anyways.. We knew she was expecting kittens.. and I kept telling my husband.. everyday.. "TODAY's the day!" but she never had the kittens when I predicted.  I woke up at 3:30 a.m. the morning after Easter.. to the sound of kittens crying on our porch.  My husband looked outside and said he didn't see any. *eyeroll* He wasn't too keen on the idea of bringing her in. but It was pouring down rain. So when I got up.. at 8 a.m. I went to go get breakfast and she was on the porch hiding with her kittens.  So I brought her into a room in our house where she wouldn't be bothered by other cats. so She's doing well, lets us know when she wants in and out. She comes and goes as she pleases since I've been leaving the front door open.. but when she's hungry, it doesn't matter how many times I feed her.. if she's hungry.. she has no limits.. so she attempts to get in the trash and then I get food for her, Now she knows where the cat food is.. and she gets in it. argh. so she's eating her mess right now.

She had 5 kittens, 3 Siamese and 2 black/grey striped kittens. They're super cute. and she's a good momma.

I haven't had kittens since I was ten or so.. this has been a pleasant experience.  Probably also because about 2 weeks ago we put our dog down. :( she had liver issues and.. 150 dollars each month at the vet was getting expensive. and so we took her to a different vet, and w/o even mentioning Sugar's knee problems or how much surgery would have cost *2500.00 dollars* ...and w/o telling her how much we had spent on meds.. she immediately told us.. she wasn't going to get better. So I've been moping around. When you've had a pet for 5 years, they're like family. I miss her dearly.  We had two other dogs. Junebug and Baby but I found them different homes.

After I had Raegan I was sooo overwhelmed and almost found homes for them. It was difficult taking care of 3 dogs and a child... especially since I had never taken care of a baby before. So I was really dreading PPD after I had Luke.

So I found Junebug and Baby homes a few weeks before I had Luke.  and I would have kept Sugar forever but we would let her outside and she could barely walk up the stairs.  She couldn't even lift her legs to scratch herself. It was pitiful.. The last thing I told her was "I love you Sugar Booger"

Then I cried the whole way home. My husband treated me to ice cream.. and I sobbed.

Change of subject.

I have to write in spurts because if one child is crying the other one is wanting my attention and.. I finally got them to be quiet.

Okay so I've had a change of mood. On a personal note I don't know what to do. I have people in my life that I'd do anything for but the decisions they make, and the life they CHOOSE to live.. doesn't allow me to help them. I offer support but I'm on the outside, and there is nothing I can do.  I feel like my hands are tied, and someday I imagine it'll all come to an end and it won't be a happy one.  With that being said, I can't really stand manipulative liars.  Addiction is a bad thing. Especially when you recognize that you have one.  Denial is hard.  Its hard to face the truth. and even harder to make the effort to change the repetitive patterns and lifestyle. Hard yes. Impossible NO!  I've got to learn to focus on me and my family. I am not responsible for anyone else.  If they aren't happy then they have to seek change.

Learning to step aside and knowing its going to be a rough road for those involved isn't easy.  I've made my choices. I'm living my life. They'll live theirs.

Argh.  I'm hungry.  Ready for my husband to be home and I need a distraction.  I may go play outside. Its beautiful.

SIGH.

Natalie