An array of subjects

I'm sitting here eating a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos. They taste amazing.. but in the back of my mind I can't help but think of calories and carbs.. and about how what I'm eating isn't ever going to help me be 150 lbs again.

blah.

Today started out good. We woke up, I fed Luke while Brian played with his new phone, and Raegan watched the same episode of Dora the Explorer for the umpteenth millionth time.  Some guy brought lumber. Its laying in the back yard. It rained last night so I don't expect anyone to come pour concrete since the ground is wet.  but on a good note, Its sunny outside right now and its supposed to be sunny ALL of next week.  Maybe they'll get that slab poured and get the frame up.  Everything is coming together slowly. But even so.. I am so excited.

I keep smelling random smells. Its one of those smells that takes you back to a time and place where you smelt it first. It makes me feel nostalgic.  Kinda like how the sound of trucks, particularly semi trucks that are just idling.. remind me of a time when I was younger. My mom who was mentally ill.. hitch hiked across the country with my little sister and I.  We stayed in Nashville, and in Georgia somewhere. and a few months (yes a few months) later we came back and lived in Texas with my grandma. but the sound of the semi trucks reminds me of riding in them.  and especially at night (since that is when we traveled most) the lights on cars, brake lights especially remind me of those experiences.

The sound of sirens from firetrucks and ambulances bring tears to my eyes instantly.  I don't even have to think about it, they flow instantaneously when I hear the sound.  I guess its something psychological that causes it.  It hadn't ever happened until about 3 years ago (at that point it had been 5 years since my accident).. I went to a fire truck parade and the sirens were blaring.  I looked like an idiot.  I think exposing myself to those sounds helps because I haven't cried has hard as the first time it happened to me.  Like I said, I guess its something psychological. Even though I don't remember my accident, there is part of my brain that does.  I guess it remembers the sound of sirens as I was driven to the hospital in the back of the ambulance.

who knows.  It definitely puts me on the spot.  Last year I was waiting for class to start, a friend and I went and got Sonic while we were waiting for time to pass and an ambulance drove by with the sirens blaring.  I hadn't mentioned what happens to her.. and she asked me what was wrong.  I looked at her through my tear filled eyes and told her its something I can't control.  She was completely understanding though.

I put Luke in the jumperoo. He seems to like it more today than the days before.  He's currently bouncing on one foot to the other.. and cooing.  Raegan is wearing the same dress for the 3rd day in a row.  NOT because I won't change her clothes.. I gave her the option of wearing 5 or 6 dresses.. but she's on a kick. She only wants to wear this one dress.  I think its good to get her to choose what she wants to wear... I don't  let her out of the house wearing the same thing she did yesterday.. I make her change her clothes, but the moment we step foot back into the house she wants to put that dang dress back on again.  Luckily its 59 degrees today so its a little bit cooler than its been previously, so I don't mind as much.

I've got homework due tonight. Its only a discussion post, and then the rest of my work is due Sunday night.  I really hope Brian comes home from work early.  His schedule is never consistent.  There is no way I'm even going to attempt to do my work w/o him here..unless I absolutely have to.  The last time I tried to do it w/o him here watching Raegan and Luke, I was a nervous wreck.  

So its been 3 years since I've written any blogs or journal posts.  On my first post, a friend told me that my words flow well together.  and that I write well.  She's probably reading this..*waves*  I was pleasantly surprised to get a compliment. At least I think it was... I hope it was. ha.   I had no desire to write after I had Raegan. I went from blogging every day to absolutely nothing.  I kind of regret it.  I should have kept it up.  I think I would have been much happier.  I'm always on facebook but its not really used for blogging.  So here I am. Exposing every thought I have.  Clearing my conscience and lifting the burdens off my shoulders.

Luke is getting restless. I must go entertain him by juggling something, dancing ridiculously, or any other action that would make me look like a complete idiot.  Anything for Luke. :)

Natalie