Prison.

I imagine that this is exactly what it feels like to be almost released from prison. I can almost feel it. Its right there. I want it so bad. but in the back of my mind I know he is always going to be there. He's always going to be part of my life. I can't erase him. I can't wipe the slate clean and start over. I see people complain all of the time about how their childrens' father has nothing to do with their kids...and yet mine is going to have everything to do with mine...and he's always going to be in my business...he's always going to be bothering me.  I know its always going to be a constant struggle. I just know it.

It makes me sad. I hate feeling smothered by him. I want my space. I want to start over and be by myself and he's not going to let me do that. I just feel sad. I wish I could cry but my body won't let me.

I'm living one day at a time. I know its going to get better. I believe it. I have to..even when I feel like I hate him.