What doesn't break you will make you.

I've had a rough couple of days. I don't think I can even type what has happened. I feel so humiliated and let down. I feel so angry inwardly and outwardly. I can't do anything at all about the situation. either situations. I have to sit here and wait for time to pass.

I can hardly stand Brian. I told him that I wanted a divorce months ago but I'm in my last semester of grad school. I'm just trying to get through it without failing. My anxiety is so high that if  I cause any waves..I'm not sure I could do any of this on my own.  I also opened a whole other can of worms on my own. I don't know why I'm in this position. I don't know why I'm here. I don't know why I'm going through any of this. This is so incredibly hard.

I've cried every single day for the last 5 months. Its been exhausting..and an emotional roller coaster. I've been happier realizing I could have a whole new life. its scary thinking I'll have to start over from nothing but at the end of the day I go to bed in the same bed with the kiddos and I wake up next to Brian and the future is not soon enough. it does not seem real. I have to pretend every day is okay and it kills me. I have very few people to tell or talk to. Everyone else thinks everything is fine.

I feel bound by my life. My choices. My mistakes.